the frivolous chatter that is Looooofy

Saturday, June 03, 2006

The Epihany

It's new! It's fresh! And it's bound to sell like hotcakes to the insatiable parents, leaders of this vulture society!

*drum roll*

It's Human Genetic Engineering!

*rowdy cheers from the crowd*


Ladies and Gentlemen, we are proud to introduce this profound step in Technology. Now, you won't have to worry about how your kids will turn out! Now, you can plan for it!

*crowd goes WILD*

Now, ladies and gentlemen, settle down. I hope you don't have the tendecy to be fickle because you can only fuck up this kid's life once. And from the get go! HAHA

*crowd laughs obediently*

Think about it, ladies and gentlemen, get that girl, get that white kid, get that big dick, get rid of that misfit, get that 6/6 eye sight, get that straight hair, get that fake genes.

*The crowd ponders, seemingly, as a distinct smile is seen on all their faces*

What is God, ladies and gentlemen? Who is God? I have the answer right here and I'll tell you myself.

Sign these papers, and YOU ARE GOD, ladies and gentlemen!

*the roof, the roof, the roof is on fire!*

I was unimpressed. I raised my hand. I went unnoticed for 7 minutes. "God" pointed to me and asked, "Yes, kind, Sir? How could I be of service to you?".

"Well, you could, so kindly, just address a few queries, to rest my doubts", I smiled, tipped my hat and clear my throat.

"Shoot!", with brimming confidence, he said.

What apt words he chose.

"Indeed. Sir, we could choose to have changes made to us, but we might also be making the choice for our children if the changes are carried through to the germline. Do we have that right, and how far should we take our ability?" asked I, noticing the face of "God" change, His perpetual smile giving in to gravity. "Conversely, is it responsible and ethically acceptable to leave the potentials of our children to the chance effects of the "genetic lottery", if we obtain the technological capacity to make positive changes?", I continued. no stopping me now. At the corner of my eye, I noticed men in suits whispering into their translucent mouth pieces, and listening hard to the "voices" in their heads. Die by the gun, i decided. "If genetic engineering became the way of the future, would people whose parents could not afford to genetically 'modify' them while still in an embryo, have a chance of achieving with high standards compared to the people who were 'modified' to be perfect?", I was having a ball. "God" was sweating. The crowd started to get rowdy, but not in the way that they were earlier. Someone just shouted some racist remark my way. I just smiled. People. Hah!


Just to shut everyone up, I farted. It was a long, good one. I bet there would have been green mist emitted from my ass, had anyone looked hard enough. Take that, bitches!

"Sir, is it ethical to experiment on embryos that have yet to be born? And have you even considered how would genetic engineering be used to revolutionize warfare? And who decides which changes will be made?" I asked. I waited for a response.

"Well............are you a journalist? From which paper do you come from?" asked "God".

"No, I'm not a journalist. Even if I was, this isn't job related. I'm just a concerened citizen. Citizen of humanity. Could you please answer my last question, Sir : Who decides which changes will be made?", I posted again. "God" hesistated to response.

It was time.

"Very well", I said, taking a device out of my hand, "I'll answer the question for you". I raised that device to my chest level, which is above the shoulder for most people, and pushed the button while I said "I decide, mother fucker", and I smiled, my oh, so sweet, smiled that has landed me in bed several times before.

"God" looked scared. He had his arms to his head, thinking that I was going to blow that place up. He must have thought that I was a suicide bomber. Psycho. As soon as he realized that I was probably some deluded activist and that I didn't blow up the place to bits, he called on the gaurds on me.

"Get that freak out of here!", he shouted.

I carried on smiling as the gaurds threw me out. I got my ass kicked around abit, a few punches here and there, before they threw me to the ground. I got up, smiled, and thanked them for their kind hospitality.

I got into the car and got the fuck out of there. At around the time I was thanking the gaurds, "God" received a call from the headquaters of his operation. It was his Boss, who I can only imagine be called "Bigger God", detailing some bad news.

"Steve, our main labratory was just bombed. We are thinking terrorists but it could very well be activists or the Pagan society, whatever. They left a message. It read 'If you can play God, so can I'."

"It was signed 'Looooofy Looooofy Loo' "

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